Monthly TOEFL Essay #1: Collective Society

Essay Prompt - Describe a custom from your country that you would like people from other countries to adopt. Explain your choice, using specific reasons and examples.

                  Nothing occurs with nobody, since human is sociological being. Especially Koreans have developed extraordinary strong relationship among neighbors, from the cradles to the tombs. In our daily life, we eat together, and work together. We share our happiness, and help relieve the pain when someone is under affliction. We also feel sense of belonging. We call it “Collective Society”. I firmly assert that collective society is what we should hand over to next generation, and also, what I would like foreigners to adopt the most.

                  First of all, it helps make a strong relationship among members. Throughout millenniums, Koreans have faced many wars. Such invasions are mostly derived by the geographically position—peninsula. For both Japan and China, Korea is a way to conquer other nations because Korean peninsula connects two countries. For instance, in Korean’s Civil War, Korean peninsula was exploited for both sides as an advanced base for counterpart. Such wars impoverished Koreans and everyone needs to find their own way of surviving. An individual’s power is not enough to resist to external force, and thus they help each other to overcome suffering. Koreans solidified ourselves to fight against enemies, and form intricate bonds among people which make us to overcome any situation. Just like families talking each other with no hesitate, people converse with comfort.

Moreover, it provides the way how to live with others. Since ancient times, several large families gathered and lived in a village. With playing neighbors, children could learn how to interact with others. Some opponents refutes that Collective Society induces bullying because it forces every member to follow what others do. They claim that bullying is prevalent in many Asian countries, which emphasizes whole groups rather than individuals. However, Collective Society does not only emphasize the whole; rather, it focuses on harmony among members. Most of bullying occurs after individualism was spread. Nowadays, children grew up in a small family, with not many siblings. Thus, they don’t know how to deal with others. If we live as we did before, bullying will disappear naturally.

Last but not least, Collective Society encourages people to run toward common goals. In other words, it gives synergy effect. For example, Korea’s exponential growth in economy is due to the synergy effect. After Civil War, nothing was left, and with a President’s lead, every Koreans collaborated to achieve economic growth. They worked day and night. They devoted their effort to Korea’s economic growth, and we achieve the goal, faster than any other countries. A poor small country, which desperately needs aids, is now giving assistance to other countries. In this case, it has severe limits; a community’s development entirely lies on a leader. However, as I mentioned before, everyone has equal right in Collective Society, so minority’s opinions are also respected. Even though many people think in a wrong way, there has been always someone who can see the righteous thing.

To sum up, collective society provides deeper relationship among members, provides guidelines for how we live together, and finally, gives synergy effect in achieve common goals. Many people often misunderstand Collective Society and Totalitarianism. They have distinct features; Collective Society rather focuses on harmony between members. It gives solutions for competitive society it influences many of Korean’s characteristics such as their kinship and passion, Thus I firmly think that it’s worth spreading.